As one light extinguished another was lit

Since preparing for Beltane this year it has come to light how my family has influenced me in my path. I discovered that many of my family members are followers of an earth faith or social based belief of one sort or another. My grandmother was a humanist and my first knowledge and experience of this was at her funeral, one of the most beautiful tributes to a person's life I had ever witnessed. My great aunt a member of a Celtic community has strong beliefs in the pagan calendar and my mother, a hippie at heart, has strong beliefs in natures power within us (interesting that it is all the women in my family that believe these things, in a matriarchal society one can truly see that love, sharing and nurturing are the fundamental reasons for existence, not war, power and oppression); however even with this background the preparation for this Beltane was particularly difficult for me.

My work commitments and money problems aside I also had to deal with the harsh reality of my Dad's illness. On the 1st of April I was given the news that my Dad's brain tumour was confirmed as terminal. After a two year battle ,where things had looked victorious, it was a shock to discover and hard to come to terms with. After visiting him I felt that although the inevitable would eventually come there was plenty of time left for us, though we lived hundreds of miles apart we could still enjoy each others company.

Two weeks after this I received news that my father was critical. Two weeks. I rushed to see him to find that he had deteriorated at an alarming rate. No longer was he the powerhouse of a man I knew as a child. Only through sheer determination could he manage to walk a mere couple of feet. His eyesight gone,and the left half of his body limp he was almost helpless. Yet his strength still shone through. He was determined to battle the rigours of his disease and approached his end with dignity, there was still a flame within him that burned brightly.

On April 30th, during the final walk through I received word from my mother that my dad was unlikely to make it through the night. I asked my mother to let me know when the moment had happened and she agreed to my request. At this point a strange calm came over me. I could think of only my father and Beltane. I wasn't sure how I would cope with the photography if my father passed away during the event; however I knew that he would want me to finish the job. He was the kind of person that showed dedication to what he believed in and I felt that it would be an honour to him to do the same.

At 10 pm, as the Nied fire was lit, my father passed away. The poetry of this is something that will stay with me forever. It's as though my fathers death, his return to mother earth, was part of the story of the seasons. As winter is ushered out, the energy and vitality of the coming summer begins to affect us, like a father, like a reincarnation of him, it will nurture and protect us and prepare us for the harshness of winter, our future as adults.

As I have processed the photos of that night I have recalled all the parenting that my father has given me and I realise that though he has passed away he lives on in my actions. It is because of his beliefs and his guidance that I am who I am. He lives on, in part, through me, and the people in his life that he has touched. It's an immortality we will all achieve, our only choice being how we are remembered, positively or negatively.

So, I want to thank the society, with their views on life as we know it, for providing me with the support I needed during this time. Without knowing it you have helped me through this difficult time, all of you.

I want to thank Photo point. As a group of shy, retiring photographers we find it hard to be openly emotional about things at the best of times, but even so, this year the group bonded tremendously, as can be seen in the photos of the night, and with this bond I was able to work within that unit during an emotionally rocky time.

Lastly I want to thank Catriona, my girlfriend, who with female intuition knew exactly how to support me and help me through this period of my life. Without you I would be nothing but a compass with no needle, you give me direction and purpose and I love you for it.

So I hope once you have read this that you can take something away from it. Look towards the future as a path carved by those from the past. How you walk that path is your choice and how you treat those that you meet on that path will determine their own journey too.

Feel free to pass this message on if you feel it touches you in any way. Light, no matter how dim will always help guide us.