Advice from the stupid.

In case you ever find yourself in a situation were you need to cycle a moderate distance home remember these words...

Prepare for inclement weather. If it's misty and cold in the morning then the chances are (in Edinburgh) that it'll be no better late in the evening.

Always carry a small pair of pliers with your screwdriver set. When tightening nuts and bolts one can not work without the other. Much like being drunk can not work without alcohol or being chunky can not work without daily ice-cream breakfasts.

Eating a large lunch in lieu of the fact that you'll have little chance for food later on only works if you eat lunch later. Don't be a gouger and scoff your massive pasta surprise before mid-day.

When at a social gathering where food is laid out for guests it is acceptable to have one or two pieces of food and a couple of little treats. It is not advisable, nor acceptable to eat one or two packets of breaded chicken goujons, a packet of gluten free chicken and mushroom kievs, half a tub of mini rocky roads and half a tub of mini chocolate rolls. Especially when you knowingly have to cycle a long way in terrible weather.

Listen to your body. If you feel a little queasy don't try to sing rock songs whilst cycling up a hill. It makes it worse.

If you ring your security console bell and your girlfriend answers with a hiccup, giggle.