Do You Doubt My Commitment?

So, as an idea, going to Paris for a beer is a little out there. I imagine that there are a few of you who think my trip is either not possible or not a practical method to visit a distant friend. I need a challenge to prove my plan is sound.

An opportunity has arisen that can test my will and determination to cycle a really, really long way for a beer. It is in the form of a house party. This weekend Catriona's brother Kevin (the guy whose singing I have to listen to for 3 solid hours on my MP3 player) is having a belated birthday bash. He lives on the west side of Glasgow and I on the east side of Edinburgh, so with that in mind, and the fact there will be lots of beer at the end of the trip, oh, and the possibility of karaoke, I have decided to cycle there.

There have been many factors involved in bringing this decision together. The first and most obvious is that I'll be cycling approximately 14 times the distance from here to Glasgow and I'm only just beginning to think I should start to plan for it; the second is that a number of people have asked if I've cycled a long way before, to which my answer is always no; the third, which can also be counted as factor 2.1, is that I've planned a long ride on a number of occasions only to be thwarted by social engagements. I'm not going to let that happen again; the last one is really the one I like the most. When I thought about cycling to Glasgow for a house party I really liked the symmetry of the plan alongside my Paris trip. It's nice to be able to train for a ridiculously long bike ride for a beer with an unusually long bike ride for a beer.

Below you will find a map of the route I plan to take. If you feel compelled to you can wave me on along the way, pledge some money towards the bigger event or tell someone about what I'm doing and why (why is usually 'because he's an idiot') or of course you can do absolutely nothing the prerogative (thank you for the spelling help Miss Rasdale) is entirely yours.

Map link here...




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I Learned My Trade From B.A. Baracus

I have spent some time recently discovering the functions of my new PDA. I am, in fact, writing this blog from my bed. Such is the power of a tiny computer and WIFI. The question I hear you ask is, "what does this have to do with cycling to Paris? " Well, one of the many other features of this little box of magic is GPS and a full complement of Western European maps. This little baby's gonna get me to where I need to go.

The only real problem with it is that it wasn't designed for use on a bicycle. It comes with a car kit for sticking to a windscreen and can get power from a car's cigarette lighter (does anyone still use them for lighting cigarettes these days?) but it seems to be missing all reference to bicycle related matters. There's no 'stick it to the handle bars' bit and the engineers totally overlooked the problem of charging the device using pedal power. They just did not have me in mind when they knocked this thing together.

It was disappointing. All this raw power doomed to exist for its short battery life in my cycling shorts. That's when I heard George Peppard's voice in my head (that's Hannibal from the A-Team for all you kids out there). "Don't worry, have a plan!" he said to me. All those years ago, watching the A-Team build tanks whilst trapped in a garden shed, or my favourite, a tunnel boring machine whilst trapped in a coal mine, had prepared me for this moment. Admittedly, I didn't need to develop something that could fire off thousands of rounds of ammo without killing a soul, but I did need a way to fix this pda to my handle bars whilst still allowing me to remove it whenever I stop at a pub. After a quick trip to a DIY store I'd gotten what I needed. Using nothing more than a hose clip, a few nuts and bolts, a wing nut and half a rubber wrist band I'd adapted the car windscreen kit for the handlebars. Now all I need is something called a freeloader, a solar charged battery, to power the pda all the way to France.

Whoever said TV teaches kids nothing clearly never watched The A-Team.

You people have a dark side

It's becoming more apparent each day that you all have over developed dark sides. They were just itching to get out whenI gave them the perfect opportunity to flourish with my list of intolerable cruelty. The lastest recruit, my "friend" Keith, has obviously been developing his keen sense of eeevill into a pointy sticked poking device of pain perfectly represented in the form of this song. Of course you can all help validate Keith's suggestion by voting for it with your pledges. Alternatively you can try to exercise your malevolence by hammering me with an equally brutal song.

I hope to hear from you soon.

A mother's day message

Catriona and I visited her mum and gran for mother's day today with the usual quantities of fun conversation, soup and copious quantities of cake. The idea of the list of intolerable cruelty came up and a few more suggestions and some money were donated to the cause. After Catriona's grans we went to see Kevin and Victoria at their place. We got chatting about the journey and I mentioned my list in the hope of getting some more songs or sponsorship. That's when Kevin came up with a cracking idea!
The conversation went something like this.
I said " So can you think of any songs Kevin?"
He replied " I'll get you £500 quid if you listen to the same song for the whole day",
"I dunno" I said, "it, sounds reasonable but £500 is a lot. Listening to the same song all day is a lot too. How about £100 for 3 hours of the same song?"
"OK, but I get to sing it"
"Fine, I get to choose the song then."
So there it is. If Kevin comes up with £100 then I'll have to listen to a song sung by him for three continuous hours. Brilliant!

And on the second week he discovered...

Isotonic drinks. Yes that's right, isotonic drinks actually work! I feel ten times more energetic during and after riding my bike. My legs now feel like they are being pushed harder than ever. Walking up the 3 flights of stairs with my bike when I get home from work is even more difficult now I'm cycling harder home. Great. With all that energy I decided to clean my bike. I stripped it, washed it, have almost rebuilt it and as an added bonus I can remember the event forever as I now have thick grease and black oil staining the rugs in the kitchen and the hall and a nice hand print of oil on the door. Catriona is going to kill me.

The list grows

My fingers rest on the pulse of society, it's beat is powered by sadism. Yes, that's right, you are all enjoying the idea of tourturing me with songs. The list is growing slowly but its pace is picking up and soon I'll have enough songs to begin the voting process.

In case you need any help, and it would seem that you don't, I particularly despise Pop, Country and Western and Dance/Rave/House...

That should get you going.

Cunning and Cruel

Catriona and I have had an idea. Something to make the journey a bit more exciting for us all.

On the way I had planned to listen to my MP3 player. It was going to be filled with all the inspirational songs that I love. This was going to make my journey both easier and more pleasant and that thought just didn't sit well in our minds. We feel that this journey should be tough, an endurance test for the mind and the body. With that idea came the cunning and cruel plan to ask you, the donators, to vote on which songs I should listen to on the journey. The songs will be chosen from a list you suggest. I know you'll have no trouble there.

OK, so here's the catch. Although it is free to suggest a song for the list of cruelty, to make sure that I listen to the songs you will need to vote with a donation. The top 50 songs, the ones that get the highest amounts of money, will be included and I promise to listen to them at least once during the journey.

To vote for a song, make a donation and on the special instructions section name the song you wish to vote for. I'll update the running totals throught the following weeks so that you'll all know what is winning and what I'll have to endure on the way down.

On my return from London

I've been busy. Not cycling I'm afraid, that's just not my style. No, I've been busy harrasing people in London. Catriona and I went for a nice weekend in the capital. During that time we visited a Mexican bar called La Perla. Due to their fantastic tasting margaritas we had a fun and very productive night. Whilst under the creative influence of tequila I had the rare foresight to ask for a pen and paper. Ideas were flowing and I needed to jot them down, as I recall I also managed to smell £125 a shot tequila; however that's a different story altogether.
Next post will be the best of the ideas and then I'll need your input :)

The route

This is just a proposal. If anyone finds a glaringly obvious flaw in it then let me know.

Statements like, "it's a really long way" and "you can't cycle on water" don't count.


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The Plan

Ok so by now you may have seen the title, that's the plan. Edinburgh to Paris by bike. I hope to achieve this in 4 days, a rate of 200miles a day, more or less.

Why am I doing this?
I mentioned to my friend in Paris, Karim, that I wanted to do something impulsive. I wanted to do something just for the sake of doing it. At exactly that moment I knew that it had to be cycle to Paris for a beer (a monaco to be precise). Why? I don't know. Paris and the bicycle had strong links for us when we were there and, well, it just seemed like the right ammount of effort for a friend.

Clearly as this was a lot of effort for a drink with one friend I realised that I would also need to go through Bedford on the way to visit my other best friend Rob.

Once this was decided I once more thought about what I was planning on doing. It seemed a little selfish to go all the way to Paris for two beers that I wouldn't even be buying so I decided that I should raise some money for a worthy cause whilst I was at it.

So, what would that cause be?

The Beltane Fire Society. Created in the 80s to celebrate traditional festivals through street theatre, they have grown into an international community of creative individuals. They provide the city of Edinburgh with events which are attended by thousands of people from all over the world. The society provide these fantastic events with no funding from the City itself, each member being responsible for providing what little money they can. Thus, the Beltane and Samhuinn performances exist in a perpetual state of uncertainty, yet every year they scrape through with another amazing performance. I'd like to raise £2,000 for this organisation, a token to help them with another year.

Obviously Edinburgh to Paris will take more than one day so I will 'couch surf' on the way. This means I will attempt to sleep in strangers houses as I travel.

So to recap, I'm going to cycle from Edinburgh to Paris, via Bedford because I have two friends who believe in me (enough to buy me a beer) and a worthy organisation that will benefit from any money raised, enabling them to entertain thousands more people over the coming years.

P.S. This will take place the last week in May. Keep posted with updates here.